User talk:NichProductions
EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:39, April 6, 2017 (UTC) :As not being up to quality standards, we don't accept lost episode pastas anymore due to their tendency to over emphasis shock value, hyper realism, and other tropes, yours was clearly cribbing off that genre as well. It's in the link and at rule # 4 if you feel like verifying for yourself. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:56, April 6, 2017 (UTC) Re: Story You can take the story to the Spinpasta wiki or the SOG wiki if you're looking for a place to pst it, that being said, there is quite a lot needing to be fixed here. Capitalization: You forget to capitalize "I" properly numerous times. "Removing the DVD from the tray, i started to rub it with my shirt to try and get any dust away. When i said i was going to fix the DVD right up...", ""I asked my wife to take care of my son while i gave this DVD a watch over and try to find out what was going on. As i closed it, the video... Automactically started. I raised an eyebrow in confussion. My computer never did that before. But whatever, i guess. Maybe it was just a glitch or something.", etc. Capitalization issues cont.: You improperly capitalize words after ellipses. "Yeah... That's (that's) what i thought too.", "I quickly stood up and saw my son... Just (just) ... laying on the couch", "Was he... Afraid (afraid) of the movie?", etc. Ellipses are used to indicate a pause in a sentence or omission of words. As such, unless it's the start of a new sentence or a proper noun, the words shouldn't be capitalized. Dialogue tags improperly capitalized. ""Im sorry..." The (the) young deer said" Wording: "We cannot grief over the dead forever.", "And my son will learn that aswell. (as well)", "Real.... For Disney standards.", "I could not help but feel simpathy and even tear up along with him.", etc. There are a lot of other typos and improperly used words here. Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. "it's internal organs were all laying", "beside it's open chest.", "He stomped the cat's head HARD, crushing it's skull and splattering blood on the snow.", "pulling out his intestines with it's antlers, biting on his lungs with it's shark-like fangs...", etc. Story issues: The story unfortunately hits way too many of the tropes from lost episode stories to make it involving. The whole thinking it's a glitch ("Maybe it was just a glitch or something."), the unbelievably cheap price that later reveals its sinister nature ("It was only 2.00 U$. If you ask me, that was a pretty low price."), hyper-violence described without effective wording ("Blood was splattered pretty much everywhere."), and the mysteriously vanishing DVD/VHS/Broadcast signal ("When i tried to show my friends... the DVD was gone.") are a few of the tropes that really weaken the story. Story issues cont.: While other stories have shock elements, they are generally worked in to the story more effectively. Here it feels like an intentional effort to upset the reader, but given the over-the-top violence, it feels more splatstick (a grey-comedy) than an attempt at telling a horror story. Lines like: "The mother's eyes popped out of the sockets, the brains got splattered all over the snow, along with some skull fragments.", "Bambi then, pulled his bloody hoof away from the corpse, laid down and started to eat it...", and "pulling out his intestines with it's antlers, biting on his lungs with it's shark-like fangs..." really end up feeling not very effective. Story issues end: There are other issues here, but I think I'm just going to focus on the ending as this is quite a lot already. The ending really feels shoe-horned in to the story. "I can swear, i see a pair of yellow glowing dots outside my window...﻿" It doesn't make a lot of sense when there's no implication that the killer deer is real, and its inclusion only raises more questions. How did it know they'd watched it? How exactly does a deer become a carnivore and develop enough bloodlust to hunt down all who watch the tape like some re-telling of the ring, etc.? I'm sorry, but if you intend to post this elsewhere, there are quite a lot of revisions I would make to decrease the likelihood of it being deleted for failing to meet the standards of their site. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:23, April 21, 2017 (UTC) :I'm sorry you feel that way. No one starts off writing well, but if you feel like it's not for you and you don't want to take feedback, that's your choice. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors (whatever they may be). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:37, April 22, 2017 (UTC) ::The links are above (see the redlink titled: Spinpasta Wiki). Best of luck, I would suggest re-reading and revising it before posting as they've recently had a bit of a resurgence of activity. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:20, September 24, 2017 (UTC) :::Message them and ask for a copy. As it's a different wiki, I can't do much on this end. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:52, September 24, 2017 (UTC)